You'd think i'd be used to the spin.

I need to get out of here.


I need Phoenix, Arizona to come faster more than ever right now.
It will save my life.

 

I've Learned by brian wilder

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe

This year has been amazing so far. I'm back on my feet, out of the slump i was in for a month. I thought now would be a good time to get things together. 
I'm back on my adderall, applied to 379283723 jobs today. I hope I get the one at Lifetime Cafe though... free membership would be priime. I'm eating healthier... besides when there is maryjane in my system I could really care less(Still need to work on that part). I have the urge to move out of my house when I have enough money saved up. Eden Pairie is my first choice... Second is uptown, Third... Chaska. I just need to be independent right now I feel like I rely too much on my parents. I'll definately miss them though.
I have come to peace with the last 3 years of my life... I wasn't happy about it before but enough convincing myself that everything is perfect at the time of my life, I'm finally content with it.  Past is past... i'm definately not the same person, i've seen change in practically everybody I've known for a while now, and some are positive... unfortunately some are very... how should i say it... unfavorable? For me i've changed in a good way, I don't want to go into details but there is definately a lot of lessons learned, I don't make the same decisions as i would when i was 15-18.
I feel good. :)

time to go to the comedy club, sexworld, sinners, and partyyyy with the gang. 

theres the update on my life.
enjoy. 

With everybody I love:
 



Taking Back Sunday Sing-A-Longs. hahaha.


Jesus. 

 "I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe less so eventually you trust no one but yourself. And sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together."--Marilyn Monroe



This quote is so incredibly true, it made me feel better. I've come to peace with the people i've lost... I always let myself think that the people that have been there for me in the past are the only people that will ever be there... that there isn't anybody else, but i've came to realize that there are going to be plenty more, and probably better than those before. If i haden't lost any friendships/relationships what would I know? I wouldn't compare to who I am now. Its just lifes lessons. It can be harsh, but who would you be if you didn't go through it?

 Yes, a lot of things have gone wrong in my life... but only to teach me how to be strong, and to build a new foundation by myself... not just being handed one.

 It's a new year, and i entered it with a huge smile on my face, sing a longs, wine, and being surrounded by the people i love... that is what this year is going to be all about.

I just want to scream. How can people be so cold hearted? Sometimes I wonder if some of you even have feelings, or sympathy for anybody. I can't even explain how wound up i am about this right now... I am sick and tired of people being FLAKY and TWO FACED and MEAN to people. STOP IT!

are tired. 

 

i need somebody to refresh me.

It's snowing. It's that time of year again... red noses, shaking knees, tense shoulders. It reminds me. I hate it.

Lately, i'm really sick of flakey people. If you make plans with somebody... please do one simple thing, either keep them... or tell them ahead of time it's not going to work that day because waiting for someones call to go out and do something is seriously not the best time. I don't like keeping my friday or saturday open to see my friends and then getting blown off last minute.. I have other shit to do then sit around to see some of you people, and luckily i could still do them...  and to get one thing clear, this isn't directed towards just one person, this seems to be a lot of peoples problems. It's not cool... and it's not hard to give somebody a 2 minute call saying you can't make it. 

Marijuana is my medicine for life these days. People stress me out... I need to let go. of you.

Life... is so good. I am accomplishing so much, I have reconnected to all my friends, i'm making money, i'm going to be making more money, looking at colleges in Seattle and around here is really fun.. i like looking forward to the future. I hope Seattle works out, that would be amazing. I just have to keep working my ass off. My two  jobs are ideal right now, they are what i've wanted... one has short hours and free tanning... the other flexible hours, i can work whenever i want so i don't have to mess up my planet beach schedual... anndd... lots o' money. :)  
Another amazing thing... BRI is moving to Waconia, which  makes my life 100,000,000 times better cause she is going to live like 8 minutes away from me... amazing, right? yep. love it. love her. 
My life is finally coming together, and i'm liking the way it looks.

In case it gets away from us
Don't pull it close
The damage revealed the cost
And it wasn't worth it
But they'll never know
To keep in mind the line that separates idols
If the world is a dream and nothing is worth it
Unless you have a god

But we won't be saved
We'll live as slaves to love
What God takes away
Let's refill all your holes with mud
"Purchase your tickets; I'm kicking your crosses down"

In case it gets away from us
Don't pull it close
The damage revealed the cost
And it wasn't worth it
We're all going to hell

And all the voices sound just like you
I'll be there, I'll be there
Breathe in, breathe in
It's been so long, I've felt so wrong again

I fixed myself up nice but you never came
The words rolled off our backs and sound the same
I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting
I hope that it's worth it but I'll never know
- Circa survive


i've been thinking about this song a lot, lately...

My dad said sorry today... for the first time. Sorry for the way life's going, sorry that he's not helping me out with anything... money, money for school, a car, etc. It took me by surprise because i wasn't expecting anything from him. Nevertheless I really appreciated it. We had a long talk about me potentially moving to Seattle.. he's not happy about it and thinks it will be a mistake, which i'm kind of thinking over too... but god damn it's my dream right now. I know it would be a struggle and  yes here; i have support from family and friends and i don't have to pay rent but, minnesota needs to get out of my hair for a while.  People are distracting me, the weather is affecting my mood... the coldness. I know it would rain a lot in seattle but i don't mind that. It's the snow and the freezing 20 below weather that gets me going, or you can say stop me from going. Back to my dad, I forgave him 100%... even though he hasn't been there and he hasn't given me everything i've wanted... in the end, I am thankful for it. Not getting what I want all the time, struggling with money, it all adds up to me being a stronger person than I would have if i would have had everything I longed for, and all the money in the world where i can go out and spend $400 on something totally worthless. I feel that those who have grown up getting everything they want... being spoiled as fuck and having their friends/family do everything for them aren't going to last too long in the real world, and if so... I guarentee they wouldn't be as thankful and happy as someone who struggled for everything they have. 
Anyways, I'm applying to a couple different colleges right now. Film is what I am really interested in doing... I can't see myself doing anything else? Maybe it will come to me... but as for now. It's me trying to get in film school. Wish me luck. :)
Everything seems to be falling in place, even when some things are still falling apart. ... I got this. I can handle life.  I've gone through some hard times... if I can survive through those and what has unfortunatly happened to me... I can do anything. Hence... making me a stronger person.
 

I've decided to get another livejournal. I like getting my thoughts all written down and out there. 
Where to begin? Life is grand... besides the fact i'm sick and working. Wonderful. I have recently eliminated most of the negitive things in my life, I feel the change... being around positive fun people really makes a difference in how I act and feel. It's really wierd, my mom even notices a change in me. I feel stronger and much happier. My license helps, also. FINALLY. 
I've been thinking... I need another job. This one isn't enough, I am in need of more money. It's good to work for your money and the things you get. I would really encourage those who just sit around on their ass all day not making money doing so... even if you do have the money to live at the moment. DO SOMETHING. It builds characture, gives you responsibility, and prepares you for life ahead. Some people, I really question what on earth they will do in the real world when they move out. Honestly, if you can't get a job at the age of 17 18 and take care of yourself and do stuff ON YOUR OWN, right now? What are you going to do when you are 21 or 30 years old? Sit around spending mommy and daddy's money? I don't think so. Get out there. Start a life for yourself. I will have more respect for you.
Anyways, that was my rant for the day. Last night was amazing... seeing the people I rarely get to see. I love it:) there should be more days like that.

I love Bria and Bea.
They're my favs.